Dear Diary
by Marvelgirl
Summary: This is a Krillin/18 fic. Many people write diarys. They are very important(I don't write them). So what if 18 had a diary in her former life and Krillin found it after the Cellgames


Dear Diary  
  
AN: Okay This is my third fic and I thought I write a one shot even though my dream is to write a long story. The main characters are Krillin and 18 who'll get together. Well as you might know the DBZ characters don't belong to me. The story takes place shortly after Cell and the song I used for this fic is Dear Diary by Pink. Now let's start. Oh yeah and I want some reviews pretty please and puppy eyes.  
  
Dear Diary Dear Dear diary I wanna tell my secret Cause you're the only one That I know will keep it  
  
(AN: I just love this song) Somewhere in the middle of the sky far above a very special tower flows the palace of god. The palace has seen many important occasions. From this place far above earth and human problems the earthen gods watched the evolution of the humans but never daring to influence them and their history. Now Dende was god and since Piccolo was split from Kami which now seamed like long forgotten times things had changed. The god now played an active role in the destiny of the humans.  
  
At the moment a very special group of people the Z senshi surrounded the young god while he healed the fighters and the limp body one of them carried with him. The body belonged to Cyborg No 18. When she awoke she immediately took a fighting stance. After pretending to be a bad little cyborg (calling Krillin weak and bold) and loosing the bomb inside her she left with words of good bye.  
  
You can tell that Krillin was very depressed because of this incident. He had met the most beautiful girl in the world but she was so unreachable and shielded her inside from the world that he couldn't get through to her. Sure she said good bye and promised to see him but was it really her intention to meet him again or just obligatory because he saved her and she tried to be nice. More depressed then ever before he decided that it was just obligatory. She called him bald and weak. You just don't say something like this to a person you like do you?  
  
After saying goodbye to his friends Krillin left. Still thinking about 18 Krillin flew to the place where he first met her Dr. Gero's cave. There was nothing left of the laboratory or Cell. Trunks and Krillin made sure of this. He remembered shaking in fear and amazement as he saw the Cyborgs for the first time. But he was also curious why they also seemed so young and human.  
  
His next destination was the field where 18 and Vegeta fought. Suddenly he saw something blinking in the dust. He found a little capsule. Wondering how this wee little thing survived the fight while whole landscapes got destroyed. A few feed away he also found something which used to be a jacket. Krillin recognised as the Red Ribbon insignia. This must have been 18 jacket he thought. Coming to the conclusion that if he couldn't be her friend he may keep something from her to remember. 18 wouldn't miss the jacket therefore it was far to old and ragged. He put the ragged jacket in his gi and decapsulated the capsule. There hadn't been much in a capsule: An old teddy, a pic of two babies and a book.. Krillin opened the book and saw that it was a diary. There'd been only some written pages even though the book seemed rather old.  
  
Dear dear diary I wanna tell my secretes Cause you're the only one I know you'll keep them So this is what I've done  
  
Krillin decided to read some pages in order to find out whose things he'd found. He turned the first page and began to read.  
  
Finally! I'm 18 years old now and my mom gave me this diary saying something about tradition. Well I'm really happy so is my twin brother he's finally allowed to drive (AN: In Germany we have to wait till we're 18 so don't be curious). He's already working for his drivers test. Well even though our family has a bad reputation as troublemakers which brings some excitement with it I yearn to escape this stupid village and go to the city. I'm so bored here and I can't stand being bored. There's nothing to do in this village. As soon as my brother got his drivers we're going to leave this place for some time. I want to see the main city and the fashion stores.  
  
Krillin found this entry quite interesting it reminded him of 18. But he couldn't imagine 18 living with a family and writing a diary. He read on.  
  
Dear Diary It's so annoying. Our Dad came back yesterday. That jerk left our family when we were young and he just came back to fetch some money to get drunk. Luckily he left after a few hours I'm sure he would sell his own mother for drinking money. But now some more happy stuff my brother finally made his drivers so we'll go to the city tomorrow. Hmm I'm not so keen on writing that's why I write only short entries. Writing just makes you think and too much thinking means less fun and more boredom. The next time I'll write we're in the city.  
  
Krillin read the next page  
  
Morning Diary We're in the city now. It's really cool here and there are many stores and things to look at. I'm not bored here and I can't wait to live here it's so much fun and nobody complains about our heritage. Even though we have a good time here I have the feeling that someone is right behind me but when I look around nobody's there. Maybe I'm paranoid or something but I don't trust anybody but the family I really know and I don't know my father. Maybe he's the shadow behind us and is just looking if his 'brats' behave fine. Tomorrow I talk to my brothers abo.  
  
The text ended here and Krillin wondered what had happened. He shoved the diary in his gi and flow home. Tomorrow he would look out for the two kids but for now he was just too tired and searching two runaways or tourists or whatever was not an option. With the Mr. Satan festivities there would be no chance of finding them.  
  
Arriving home Krillin went straight to bed. Tomorrow he would have to go to Goku's funeral which also gave him the opportunity of looking out for the two kids. He called them kids even though he didn't know their real age but the age given in the diary.  
  
I've been a bad bad girl For so long Don't know how to change What went wrong? Daddy's little girl But he went away What did it teach me? That loves leaves yeah yeah  
  
(18's way) The funeral was a quiet ceremony nothing unusual had happened. Well so it seemed. Nobody recognised the small figure flying in the sky. If Krillin had seen the figure with the blond hair flaying in the sun and the lost eyes watching every single move the small group made he would have had a heart-attack. But nobody saw her and so nothing happened. Nobody saw how lonely she had been. Nobody felt she'd been there all the time because she was no real person well not anymore. And nobody heard her thoughts and got to know her feelings. The questions about her feelings had been a question she asked herself for some time now. She knew she had them but the question which feelings she had was another. She also knew that many emotions were surpressed. Not really knowing anybody in this world she just watched the few people she knew by name.  
  
She missed her brother. He had been all she had her only connection to what seemed to be a normal live. But now he was gone. Once there had been another connection to her mysterious past but she lost her diary not sure if Gero found it or if she lost it in a battle. She kept it in her jacket but when she returned to the place where she had fought Vegeta the diary had been gone.  
  
She remembered that there also were some entries of her former self. At the time she first awoke as a cyborg she found the capsulated diary in a hidden place in her jacket. She soon made the connection and knew that it had been her diary and that her character didn't change much from the bored girl of the village. She also made some new entries before Gero shut them down because the had been too rebellious and tried to kill him.  
  
After collecting her thoughts she flew away. She didn't thought about a direction but she wanted to be as far away from the city as possible. It was strange for her to think like that but she needed the time of solitude now.  
  
Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets 'Cause you're the only one That I know will keep them  
  
(Krillin's way) After hours of searching Krillin went home. Finding some kids in a city was harder then it seemed. He wasn't sure if the kid's needed help or something but he also wanted to return the diary.  
  
Returning home he went to his room to observe the diary once again. Suddenly he found something which seemed to be blood. Now he knew that something had happened to one of the kids. He turned the page he stopped reading the last time to see more entries.  
  
He decided to make himself something to eat before reading on and went downstairs. He took the diary with him not wanting it to be found by Oolong who liked hiding Roshi's aerobic shows in his room.  
  
After making himself a sandwich he stayed in the kitchen. He made sure that there was nobody in the house right now so he started reading which seemed to be the last entries. Even though they were the last ones they were remarkably longer and in worse handwriting. It was like the person who wrote them had to cope with huge pain or worse. But only the first entries after the sudden brake and the blood seemed to be like that. A few page later the writing time changed once again to a more clearer style. It was a nearly perfect style. The whole book seemed to be written by three different persons.  
  
He started reading the entries after the brake.  
  
I don't know where I am right now but something hit me the last time I wrote. I'm in much pain. But it isn't my head but my whole body. It's like something is burning me from the inside and replacing my inner organs with something else. I don't know how many times I just went numb leaving my body or whatever you can call it. But I think that's the best way to describe it. My mind and senses just shut down and when I wake up something just seems wrong and different than before more different than the times I awoke before. It's really strange. One time I awoke I saw a dark figure. I saw white hair and dark sparkling eyes. I was really frightened but pretended that I'd been sleeping. I.somebody's coming.  
  
Another brake. Krillin read on he just couldn't resist and if anybody needed his help he wouldn't turn his back on them. He didn't even noticed that his room window had been opened from the outside.  
  
I think this is the last time I write in my diary. I'm happy that I've got it know. Maybe someday my mother finds it and would be happy that her girl may be gone but finally understood her and why she gave me this diary. It became a good friend. But for now I'm afraid. Last night or day I don't know which time it is but I heard someone talking an I awoke with a ringing in my head as so the voices activated my senses once again. And as if this wasn't frightening enough they talked about me and my brother who was chained like me in the next room. They also said that we were sold by a man who knew us. Maybe it was our ass of a father. It angers me so much to think about it. I knew he was a ruthless soldier and drinker but I didn't knew that he would sell his own children. I thought he would only sell his mother. I should stop this. Maybe being chained let me become more and more and more sarcastically. But at the early end of my life maybe a bit sarcasm is necessary. The people outside also talked about this being the last day of our existence as we were. Even though I'm not sure if they meant death by this but it sounded like this. They're coming bye mother I so hope you find this. I'll hide this diary in my secret pocket my mother made for me so she'll find it there if she's looking for me. I so hope she finds me.  
  
With that the entry written in the bad style ended. But the entries in good style began which made Krillin wonder. Who would have written on in the diary of a dead girl? Who could be that disrespectful? And why were the writings so similar? Did the girl survive and wrote on by herself or was it her brother or mother? How did it happen that the capsule made it's way to the battleground? Was there a connection to the Cyborgs and Dr. Gero? More and more questions. and no answers. What if this had really been 18's diary?  
  
Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets 'Cause you're the only one That I know will keep them So this is what I've done  
  
(18's way) Why was she here? She flew in no particular direction and ended up at Kame house. Nobody but Krillin and the old man and the pick were here. Krillin was in the house while the others were at the beach. 18 decided to take a look inside. She flew around the house so that nobody could see her. She opened a closed window and recognised that she was in Krillin's room. (You can also say that she broke in()  
  
She looked around and found.nothing or nothing special. It was just a simple room with a bed in front of the window and a cupboard. There were only clothes inside the cupboard. She didn't know why but she looked under the bed and found an old box with lots of dust on it. She brushed some dust away and read the text written on the box: "My memories"  
  
She opened the box and found some photos and a book. The photos were of a little well known bald boy in an orange gi and Son Goku and other people. The book had a look but with 18 powers it hadn't been an obstacle. (18 is really good at breaking things. No heart or other thing stays where it had been()  
  
"Oh a diary. How human." Said 18 to herself. "Hmm in this case I should be quite I used to write too. But lets see what we've got here."  
  
Today I left the Temple. I can't stand this place anymore. The older students are so mean. But one day I'll defeat them all. Maybe the invincible old master can help me. My teacher knows that I'm searching for him so nobody misses me. I stayed here for nearly all my life but now I have to move on.  
  
18 only read a few sentences on each page. Getting bored so fast was something she was really good at. (I try to keep this part short because most of you know DB)  
  
I did it. Master Roshi accepted me. I'm his student now. Well I had to bribe him with some porno-magazines but who cares. He'll train me and Goku the other student. We want to go to the great torment which means we have to work hard.  
  
We made it Goku and I are under the 8 best fighters we have also beaten the Temple students.  
  
The diary went on and on over Piccolo, the Saiyans, Freezer and.then after that it stopped suddenly.  
  
"I wonder what happened at this point. Why did he stop writing at this point. Hmm there are other entries but they seem to be more recent"  
  
I haven't written in this book for a long time. Mainly because I was happy with my life. Sure Marron left me well I made her leave but I still was satisfied and didn't need to write. But now I met a woman. Only problem she's an android with more strange in her little finger than I have in my whole body and she seems to hate me. I don't know if she hates me she doesn't show her emotions but I'm sure she has human emotions.  
  
"I think that part is about myself. But do I want to be part of his human dreams." 18 read on  
  
I hope she just pretends to be bad. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and seems to be more like an angel than a devil. How can it be that she is so distant and partially.cruel. When she kissed my cheek my whole body tensed and my hair stood up. I was in heaven and couldn't think straight for some minutes. First I thought she just wanted to play with me but my heart hoped it wouldn't be like that. Then she said I was weak and midget and other not so friendly things but when she said goodbye and promised to visit me I was head over heels again. It's just confusing. At that moment I felt that she isn't so bad. just hurt. I so want to know why... and help her. and do anything for her I can. But I'm to weak and small and she is to far away (mentally) from me to understand her completely.  
  
She's so.strange. Everyone I see is partially an open book to me when I look into the persons eyes. Bulma's eyes are full of temper. Goku being the naiv guy he ever was had eyes full of life and happiness. Even Vegeta's eyes show me that he's full of pried and torture. But 18 is different. Her eyes are closed to me. I don't see anything but distance. There's nothing I could reach even if I wanted to. It's so confusing to hope and know that there's no chance at all. Maybe her eyes are just one of Gero's tricks to make her seem more inhuman and cruel.  
  
I don't know why but in her case I know/ feel that there is more about her than my eyes see and her eyes show. I so hope I see her again. I'm not only head over heels I'm deeply in love with 18 even so she doesn't love me back. I'm only happy if she visits me only once and tell me some things about herself or spars with. The last idea is a bit ridiculous when you think about the fact that she defeated the whole Z gang nearly alone. I should stop musing about her and clean up the living-room. Oolong and Roshi made a mess again. Sometimes I wish somebody would teach them some manners.(forcefully)(  
  
With that the entry ended. "Maybe I should really take a visit." 18 looked around and saw the broken window. "Hmm I should make a real visit breaking in isn't a real visit. She put all back under the bed carefully. Then she flew out of the window nearly taking it with her when one part of her ragged clothes found it funny to tie itself around a window nail. She flew to the front door and knocked.  
  
I've been down every road You could go I've made some bad choices As you know Seems like I got this whole world Cradled in my hand It's just like me not to understand yeah  
  
(Krillin's way) "Okay let me see. This new entry is not only better written it's also less emotional. Normally when somebody writes something the writing changes with the emotions of the writer. But this writer, who made the last entries, showed no emotions when he or she wrote. Maybe I should stop talking to myself and start reading " Krillin started reading once again.  
  
I don't know why I start writing in this book which seemed to belong to my human self. But it doesn't exist anymore. Face it. I'm not human even though in the deepest part of my cursed wired brain and created mind there is a part that wants to be human again. That hurts. I shouldn't feel pain.shouldn't feel at all.but it hurts. How can it be that my not human heart aches because I'm not human anymore. I don't even remember what it had been like to be human. Why did Gero made me like this. 17 doesn't seem to have this problems. Sure he hates Gero. But I don't think that there is a deeper problem with being a cyborg or android or whatever He's such a brat always searching fun and playing with the pathetic humans. Pathetic do I really think so or is it just Gero who wants me to forget what I've once been and still want to be. Somehow my human subroutines have overwritten the android-parameters and I started to have an own identity. Or it was Gero's intention or fault or I don't know. Maybe it was a good thing to hide the book capsule in my jacket. It wasn't my idea but my former self is/ was quite intelligent or so it seems.  
  
Here the entry stopped. So this is really 18's diary Krillin thought. Krillin nearly jumped through a wall. He was so happy that he had found 18's diary but he also hated Gero more for what he had done to her. Happiness and hate were close to one another.  
  
Today Gero send us to destroy a city and kill all the p. humans. I won't write the p(AN: pathetic) word again it may be ridiculous but it always makes me think about my mind being controlled by Gero. It is enough that he controls our bodies with this stupid device. I won't let him control my mind. Okay but now let me return to the events of the day. We went to the city and I started to destroy EMPTY cars. 17 can kill the humans and play super17 but I don't like to kill. For 17 everything but killing Gero is a game. He plays/tortures the humans more and more every day because he can't kill Gero. It's frustrating for him. One day he might not be able to stop torturing and killing. I have to be careful that I don't become like him. And I have to be more careful that Gero doesn't recognises that I only destroy cars and don't kill.  
  
So 18 isn't really bad she just pretends to be. 'Boom' "Ooobs I should stop jumping around the house won't survive it if I jump every time I read something nice about 18."  
  
The next day,.. I stopped thinking about days, time is relative. Which really fits in my position. Being immortal is a nice thing as long as you can enjoy it. Gero found out that killing is not my style. You can say that killing is nobodies style.but Gero found out and wasn't to happy about it. He send us to another village and said I should look the people in the eyes when I'm about to kill them and that I shouldn't be so soft or he'll make me regret my soft spot for humans. On the way to the village 17 made plans to get rid off Gero. He said something about Gero being weak and that he wouldn't stand a chance if we both attack him and damage the controller. Gero followed us this time to make sure that I really kill someone. We arrived and he pointed out a woman for me to kill. The woman seemed sad and for a moment I felt something. The woman saw me and ran to me. "Jill! Jill where have you been? You were away for nearly a half year? What happened to you? You seem so different and your eyes are so cold?" The woman talked on and on. Maybe I really knew her because something stopped me from killing her. I just couldn't do it. Gero was I a rage. I just stood there unable to move. "Where is Jack?" (AN: Sorry watched Profiler for too many times) the woman suddenly asked. The same moment 17 arrived with Gero whose face was in a crimson red. "Kill her she means nothing to you. She's just a pathetic woman who happens to be reminded by your faces. But you are different now. Kill her. She's pathetic". "Like you" I started to awake from my trance like state of mind. "What did you say? So you want to be punished. I think I have to put you back to sleep and erase your memory once again but first you'll be tortured. 17 go fight her" 17 walked up to me with a Ki-Ball in his hand. The woman stepped in front of him to protect me. Unbelievable she tried to protect me. "Jack please you can't hurt your own sister" 17 locked eyes with me turned around and fired at Gero who lost his arm in the process. But it didn't stop him from shutting us down. We were brought back to the lab where I awoke again. He put us in certain cages to torture us but we didn't broke. He said something about changing us in the morning. Maybe he'll erase our memories.  
  
I hope the woman who ever she'd been is all right. I place this book where I had found it and hope that my new self will find it. I hope my new me won't be lonely and heartbroken and all the foolish things a human machine can be.  
  
Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets 'Cause you're the only one That I know will keep them So this is what I've done Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets I've been a bad, bad girl  
  
" This is so depressing now I know nothing about 18, again. How can everything be so vague when it comes to her being. Maybe I should search for her and return this diary to her. She might answer my questions. Krillin you're ridiculous. She won't answer 'cause she doesn't care about you does she? Arrrgh I'm going to collapse"  
  
Knock. Knock.  
  
"What now.Oh yeah I should open the door and show the people out there that I'm a heartbroken freak who loves a girl with three identities who happens to be the most advanced machine in the world."  
  
Knock. Knock. "Okay, Okay! I'm on my way! He opened the door and saw someone he really didn't expected ". .. . 18! What are you doing here?" "I'm here to visit you as I promised and maybe stay and spar!" 18 stated coolly. "Really" Not hearing the real tone in her voice Krillin made air jumps. "I do always as I say and stop this jumping. It's annoying" I shouldn't be so hard on him he seems to see through me whatever I say 18 thought. "Okay 18.Come in "  
  
I learned my lessons young and I turned myself around I gotta guardian angle Tattooed on my shoulder She's been watching over me  
  
And so it started. Somehow Krillin found his way to 18's heart. You know the way it goes. First comes a look then comes the other's diary (mischievous grin) then love then wedding and then the children who are really annoying sometimes( like my bro).  
  
(After some years. It's Krillin and 18's anniversary: A small sequel or something I thought about)  
  
"18 would you come here for a moment I've got something for you" "Yeah I'm on my way! Say how long does it take for a Muten Roshi to dry. I put him in the washing machine half an hour ago and hang him on a wire but he doesn't seem to be dry. Maybe we should let him buy a drier. He can be more annoying than Marron when she used to cry. Okay what do you have" "18, I've kept this for a long time. I didn't knew how you would react but now I want to return this to you." Krillin held out an odd book (AN: A book we know by now(). "What is this. Looks like a diary" "It's yours. I found it on the ground where you fought Vegeta. Are you angry" "No I didn't even remember it it's from the past. But you are my future" "Look at the last pages" 18 read the last pages and to her surprise she found a map of a city with an arrow on one street. "So what is this supposed to mean." She asked "This is where you used to live when you were younger. I searched for your family. Do you want to visit them. I talked to them and I think they would appreciate to see you again." "Isn't this a bit sudden" "If you don't want to go there we don't have to." "Can't we wait for some time I have to think about it." "Okay. You've got all the time in the world"  
  
Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets 'Cause you're the only one That I know will keep them Dear, dear Diary I wanna tell my secrets I know you'll keep them So this is what I've done  
  
The End (AN: but only if you want it to be the end If you ever wondered how a family meeting of 18 and her mother would look like then tell me. This is what I'm planning)  
  
AN: So this is the end. Tell me if you like it or whatever but tell me something even if its just bla bla.  
  
Soon to come: 5th part of Times in the life of a Cyborg(Meeting the Orange Temple monks and Chichi) Bedtime stories: What kind of Story would 18 tell Marron when she doesn't want to sleep and Krillin isn't there If you want to read it there'll be a sequel to Dear diary. I may call it Family Portrait (just joking) 


End file.
